Poem

Sucks ass it does, Mom is in pain and the delivery agent is currently a pill that unfortunately takes a few minutes to work. He leg is swollen in her inner thighs. We had a shift change and I couldn’t locate the new nurse, Ashley. I decided to giver one of the pills we brought and just to tell you what a complete waste the medical system we have is. She took the pill she was going to give mom and threw it in the hazmat disposal box. The pissy part is that the insurance company will then be charged for the medication that she just destroyed. Then we wonder why insurance is so expensive. After it’s all said and done I may just let the insurance company in on all the crap that is out there that the insurance company is unaware of.

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I also flipped Mom over to her right side and in the process we moved her left arm and it was stuck under her side so we took it out of the brace that is used to secure it to her chest because during the x-ray of her chest we discovered the pain she had in her shoulder was due to the fact that it was dislocated! Long story short her wrist and fingers still get swollen and they hurt so she cried and grabbed her hand and bent it and then it hurt worse of course because it hasn’t been moved. So I had to calmly convince her that it was best to keep it in the brace even if her fingers are under her side. That seemed to immediately clam her down and she then nestled in under the covers for her snooze.

 

Mom tasked me with writing a poem in honor for her and to recite it at her funeral. I haven’t written anything in at least two or three years and I started off with a rhyming poem which I hate and now I am troubled and brooding because this particular poem and its significance and value to those who will be listen. The last time I had this type of task was when I was writing my vows for my wedding. Just so you know typically poems just come to me. I see something or feel something and immediately get inspired to write it down. Most of the time I write, I don’t even have to edit the piece before I publish it.  So being tasked with this type of pressure writing coupled with my lack of sleep (I am pretty sure I am working on like 10 hours over the past 5 days),  the obvious stress. The not so obvious stress, of family workings, my work, my home, my budget, my mom’s budget and who knows what else.  I am sure I will get something but the only thing that comes to mind immediately is Teddy Bears and Strength.

 

Anyway we will be off to hospice tomorrow and however long I have left with my mom I will cherish the moments like today when I escaped her out of the hospital and we went on an “excellent adventure” to <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Roser Park together to explore. She will be transferred by ambulance sometime in the afternoon. I had a good chunk of friends and relatives visit today and that was nice. I hope to have the same and more when we arrive at Woodside. Beth comes in the AM with her family tomorrow and will be staying at my house while they are here. Scott is also due down this weekend. I am sure he will stay with Gram which will be great for her.

 

It’s scary to sleep right now because I don’t want to wake up and find that I slept through my Mom’s demise and I also don’t know if I want to watch it either so I am torn. I want to be by her side and comfort her and hold her and whisper to her that I love her but I know that I need sleep. I am guessing I could gamble tonight and take the sleep and I may just try to do so in a bit… I’ll let you know.

 

David