friday night

at moms, had some ice cream with Gram as Mom was sleeping when I got here at 7pm. She woke at 8:30 and needed to potty. I setup her new potty chair afterwards and will give it a go tonight on the overnight it is a larger chair supplied by my friend Tracy. The other one was donated by My great Aunt's BF Joe. It was nice but mom found it a bit uncomfortable. This one is made for large people so it be just fine. I am going to play a bit on the pc and crash in like an hour. We shall see how many times I get up. I hope its not too many as tomorrow will be a big day.

Got my video in from my reunion and I must say it is definately NOT worth the $20 there are quite a few shots of me ironically but not many introductions and the video is sometimes grainy or bad white balance or even water/rain on the lens. the audio track is off and the music is really loud. All in all not great. for the 30th I would like to hire someone who can do a kick butt one. It is nice to have for posterity. I am thinking like a few of the same questions posed to a bunch of people to hear differnt answers or something I dunno. just a thought.

Today it rained and the lighting was so loud and scary I ducked while lighting my grill. Lighting as you know is one of the only things that scares me and it scares me good!

well, im going to go game catch you later...

siezure

Okay so last night Kim and I decided to go play some trivia and drink some beer at the local sports bar right around the corner from the house. We had been there for about 20 minutes when a call came in from Gram's house it was the nighttime caregiver Arlene and she said mom just had a seizure and she was panicked. I thanked her for calling and asked for my Mom. Mom was definitely scared but I assured her she was fine and that the seizure was normal and that she was a very brave woman and sent her hugs and stuff and she seemed fine. As a precautionary measure I called her best friend to have her call Mom and talk for a few which should relax her. I didn’t sleep much last night tossing and turning with nightmares and the regurge/gas from the not so great draft beer we drank. Then at 7 I awoke to a phone call from Arlene again saying Mom was out of paper pants I instructed her to look in the closet as I had purchased an entire case from Sam’s. She also told me Mom just went to sleep and she had been up all night. So that means that the sleep aid Ambien is not working and she is probably fighting sleeping because of a fear of dying if she falls asleep (just a hunch). Kim had sinus trouble this morning and I was very groggy but I got up and did some bills and checked email and such and now I am typing this… My friend Tracy called and she has a larger portable potty for Mom that might make it easier for her to wipe. I will try to get that today from her. I called the painter who is going to come by and do some touch up work and paint my new doors and scheduled with him for next Wednesday. Don’t know if I can make that but I needed to get him to commit so I can get it finished. I hate open ended projects. I think I will have some cereal in a bit if we have any milk. I am also going to work up an agenda for our trip this weekend and perhaps I will play some dungeons and dragons online to “get away” who knows.

humpday?

So it’s already Wednesday and I have now had two nights of sleep in my bed. It feels great to be rested but the injury to my back really made it difficult to get settled last night. I ended up having to take a painkiller to relax enough to pass out. The daytime caregiver although, adequate  does not have the same attitude or willingness to do the job as our overnight person and went so far as to tell Kim that she would not work over 40 hours after we called her out on the fact that we will not have to pay overtime for her services. The shift is a 60 hour shift and she tried to say we would be paying overtime which according to the agency we do not have to do and the agency then called her to straighten it out. I think she is now bitter, and quite frankly I do not have the patience to deal with stuff like that so I called the agency that brought us the first girl and they are referring a guy named Dave that would welcome the 60 hour shift. I also got a referral from the overnight girl for one of her friends that does the work as well but she is an independent and although I am headed there to meet her right now even if I like her, I will only use her for extra coverage on the weekends or relief of the other two as I want the insurance, liability and stuff for protection. I will meet the guy Dave later on this after noon hopefully and if he is as good as he sounds then I will have him start tomorrow. Mom just called to tell me she had street clothes on which I guess for her seemed exciting.

Well I just met with Barbara and she produced letters of recommendation from 1989, and 1980! When I asked if she had any others she said something about her not thinking I would need to see them or something like that. Then I asked her if she had her nursing card since she claimed she was an RN and a CAN and she had neither with her… hmmm a bit suspicious so I had her transfer mom to the potty cause she had to go and she did an “ok” job with the transfer nothing great and she apologized along the way saying she had never been watched before… more suspicion. SO, looks like she is a dud. Then I got a call back from <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Lynn at Guardian Angel and the dude Dave that she met with turns out to be 60 years old. Which I guess is not an issue but it seems a little weird. I called him after I spoke with her to get a gut feeling on the guy and she said he had excellent references so what the heck, and it went to voicemail. Lol – figures… I told her to still be on the lookout and I called her back and she said he had just called to verify my number since it is an 813 number. Anyway I guess he will call me back and I will meet with him shortly. In the meantime mom is in the wheelchair munchin on mixed nuts and pulling all the almonds out like she is on a treasure hunt. It’s kind of cute and she says she is tired but she has been up again all night so I’m keeping her awake. Ok, just got off the phone with Dave I will meet with him and then an hour after that I will meet with a Debra. We will see how it goes I am hopeful. Okay well Dave a 60 year old guy wit 10 year experience had a nice personality and reference letters and such but is only a Home Health Aide and does not have his CAN to back it up which makes me nervous. The next candidate up will be here at 6 so I have about an hour to kill. It’s hot in here as always and my grandmother can’t tell…. Mom’s best friend Fay is over visiting which is nice and mom is in bed hopefully not falling asleep on her. I truly hope that the next candidate works out.

strange

I went to the office this morning for our bi-weekly meeting. It wasn’t even really an interesting bitch session. I did get a nice toasted bagel and some orange juice out of the deal and I got to see and chat with my friend and boss, Brian, so that was good. I also got a new gas card as my company switched fleet companies. Afterwards I made a quick dash to the bank to deposit some money in mom’s account and cash some checks at my bank, then to Gram’s.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

Okay so I am sitting here at my grandmother's and my great aunt was in a car accident a couple of days ago she has some back issues (no surprise there) but fortunately has seen a chiropractor and a lawyer. She just called though and said the MRI she had indicates a spinal fracture which accounts for the pain and they sent a taxi to get her and bring her to the doctors. This news of course has catapulted my grandmother into a tailspin and now her focus has shifted high gear into worrying about my great aunt with an almost strange possession and a disregard for my mom. Funny thing though since mom has been here Gram has spent so little time visiting with her that when I got here this morning and asked her to sit in there with my mom and have her toast and coffee together she actually sat in there for 20 minutes and that has been the longest time she has spent with my mom since she arrived. After the phone call from Nita, Gram has smoked 3 cigarettes and complained every time that with all the stress she hates having to go outside to do so. Another oddity about that is that when I walked in this morning I detected cigarette smoke which I had not smelled in the house for several days, so either I noticed it being away for a day OR Gram was once again smoking in her room. When I asked my Aunt about it (She was doing laundry) she said she though Gram was smoking in the house and she too smelled it when she arrived this morning. One would think that if your daughter was spending her last days in your house, that you might be able to change your habits with some sort of sympathy and constrained complaints. I am pretty certain I would anyway…

 

SO I migrated back into my Mom’s room to watch TV more specifically the recorded Olympics I set for her. She is slowly learning the remote and I am pretty proud of her for it. I have to call back my financial planner whom I tasked with finding out about how much long term care costs as I DO NOT want to be in the same position my Mom is in when I need care… More on that later.

 

I understand Mom did not have a good night last night which is partly due to the fact that she slept almost all day yesterday. So today’s mission is to keep her awake we shall see…

 

miracle

Okay its a miracle! I GOT SLEEP LAST NIGHT!!! Yee-haw I didn't give mom her PM meds last night and just gave her, her sleeping pill at 10pm and she slept from then until 12:30 then we were up. We did manage to get 4 hours of sleep then we got up to potty then we slept for four more then we were up with another potty trip then back to sleep for about a half and hour then she was up for another potty trip, then some TV then another potty trip etc but it was the 2 four hour sleep that I really care about. Then I got news from Kim that the company she had contacted had agreed to have a split shift of 8pm-8am with one caregiver and then 8am-8pm with another. The care will run $14.50 an hour which is reasonable compared to most other services. But it still means even with me covering Friday nights, all day Saturday and Sunday days that the total will be $1740 a week or $6960 a month. I also have Kim running leg work on checking places like nursing homes and such but the cost on those ranges from $5600 to $6000 a month. Seems like it sucks either way…

Saturday Night (early)

I am watching the Olympics currently featuring women's marathon with my mom after going through a pretty monumental effort to get mom into the bathroom so she could enjoy a shower. She was really scared of having a seizure and of falling in the tub etc. I basically had to carry her in and put her onto the tub chair. My grandmother's house is very old and so the bathroom and tub are quite small. But somehow I managed and mom is happy and thankful and I feel pretty good about it. We are now watching what I recorded so that I can wiz through the commercials. Kim brought the dogs over and both of them have managed to get comfortable lying on Mom in her bed as we watch. I think it really brings her some comfort as they nestle in, on and around her. Kim is at Gigi’s Restaurant working tonight and will come back here to spend the night so she can take mom to church tomorrow. I’m still very tired but I know that I will live. I hope that I get great news on Monday and that I will find that Mom’s insurance will pay for a home heath care aide for much needed 24 hour care. This is also birthday week in my family tomorrow is my sister’s and her husband’s, the 18th is Miranda’s Mom’s, then My Aunt’s (she will still be here in town) then mine. On the 21st is my friend Mike’s and my uncle is on the 24th. Now we are watching the men’s 100 which is the world’s fastest man contest basically and man it is amazing! Bolt from <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Jamaica almost broke the Olympic record off by .01 and he practically jogged it! The next heat includes two world record holders with two Americans. Can you tell I like this stuff!? I hope we have a good night tonight I  just gave Mom her sleeping pill it’s 11pm and she just stated she’s hungry so I am going to forage for something small for her to eat….

Saturday Morning

Well we had a record last night, Mom actually slept from 3:30 to 7:30am! The sleep medicine does not seem to be working... There was a strange situation last night at 1:30am I put mom on the potty and she got really weird and complained that the seat was hurting her even though I put powder on the seat after each use for the next use and she was complaining that she was really cold yet it is easily 80-90degrees in the room and she was sweating so bad her shirt was soaked. I will have to ask the doctor about that on Monday which is partially why I am writing it now. At 9:30am we called it quits with sleep and I put her on the potty as requested. She had another break down this time about food. I had fixed her toast two days ago for breakfast, two pieces and she only ate one, so yesterday I made her one piece and she ate a half then an hour after that she had a few pieces of spoon-sized shredded wheat that my grandmother made for her. I had asked her what she wanted to today for breakfast and she broke down crying telling stories of us depriving her of food and such it was really crazy and of course, quite trying, my grandmother who doesn't hear well, believed that I was just yelling at mom, which makes it even more enjoyable for me (sarcasm). Gram ended up making her a bowl of cereal worthy of any man and mom scarfed it down like it was nothing! She still has her appetite.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

I taped the 11-12 hour of the Olympics last night so that Mom and I could watch it this morning. The 100m time heats the guy from <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Jamaica during one of his heats actually had the time to look to the right and the left and ease up and STILL run a 9.92 race. Amazing!

Now we are watching men’s indoor volleyball USA vs. China and they are doing very well.  I hope we can continue to find good stuff to watch for the rest of today. Gram and my aunt and going to the grocery to pick up some food. Mom is so funny right now she is moving the bed up and down, up and down. She’s just playing with the controls its amusing… I’ll keep you posted.

 

 

Day Three

Well we actually got a little sleep last night. Mom was prescribed a painkiller and a sleeping pill. Mom was so tired that during dinner she fell asleep in the wheelchair. It was frightening as I could not get her to awaken. I brought her back to her room and put her to bed. She only woke up every two hours to use the bathroom. I was thankful for this as we did not have care arranged and I had to spend the night again last night. I needed to get some sleep this time. She did pretty good. This morning we had the Baycare Home Health Nurse by at 9 to check her vitals and stuff, take some blood and ask a truckload of questions. They will come every week to prevent a trip to the Doctor. This afternoon we will go to the neurologist for a check. We had a decent lunch today I made her cheese and crackers and I tore apart her leftover Subway BMT and rolled up the meat and some ham and cut up some cheddar, a piece of celery. She thanked me for the celery. Funny what touches us.

Last night as I was lying in the guest bed I realized that it was a mirror of my normal sleeping habit. I sleep at my house with my head facing North and on my left side and in this single bed I was head South on my right side. I pondered this for quite some time.

Mom is now tired and is going to take a nap before we head out to the doctor when I finish writing I am heading to the store to buy a couple of cans of Ensure to see if she likes it. The nurse suggested mom get some sort of supplement and recommended Ensure as an easy way to get it. I hope she likes it. Kim’s mom drinks the stuff as well. It doesn’t taste too bad considering its chock full of vitamins. The nurse also said she would have her supervisor check with mom’s insurance company to see if a Home Health Aide is covered even partially. If it is we may be able to use the Baycare Home Health Aides service and get 24 hour care for mom. This would lighten the load on me considerably and then Kim and I could just cover Friday night and Saturday all day saving even more money which is much needed.

Just got off the phone with Kim she will pick up the Ensure/Boost for me which is great, in case Mom needs me. She is coming by for her lunch.

That’s today so far…

 

Day Two

Well last night after I went home with my friend Tim in my ear for the ride I layed in bed contemplating the world I live in, my cool job, my family, my habits and of course, my mom. This lasted for about 5 minutes probably and I was out cold. I can't remember being that tired in awhile. At least when I was at the hospital with my mom in Spokane I could grab a couple of hours now and then. I woke this morning at 7am to the sound of my alarm and I raced to grab my work uniform and this laptop to get on the road to come here (my grandmother's) I have more to share but it's already a bit after 10 and we have an 11 o'clock appointment with my mom's doctor here so I will go for now...

Tags: mom, hospital, sleep, work

WOW

Okay so it's now 5:05am we have been up and to the potty chair every 30-40 minutes since 9:30pm. It takes about 11 minutes from start to finish, getting her off the bed, pjs and panties down and on the pot then the reverse.  Most of the time she just sits on the chair and looks around the room, yawns a couple of times and then says she is finished. Talk about frustrating. I am pretty certain this is what my sister and her husband had been going through for the past month.  I advised her when I first heard about it to check with the doctors about getting her some care and we placed her in Manor Care in Spokane and unfortunately the place did not have a very high quality of care. The air was broken and she smelled of urine when my sister came and visited, so she took her out. I definitely will get some sort of home care nurse or someone that can do the overnight shift and is awake during that shift so that no matter how many times she needs to get up in the night it really doesn't matter because they will be awake anyway. It really is a two shift job. one caregiver at night say from 8-8 then the other from 8am-8pm and because it is a 12 hour shift you will have to actually have 4 people to split the week to do it effectively. I know that Kim is checking into another service and hopefully we can find one that can do the job. The first company we used the owner did the first night and although she was pleasant both in nature and in looks she admitted that the job was too difficult for her and she would be bringing a new nurse by to do an introduction. The person that came was all of 4 feet tall and although she attempted to sell herself to me was never able to demonstrate, using my Mom’s best friend as a guinea pig, that she could do the job. It takes strength and patience to the job right and quite possibly a man’s touch. At my sister’s I know that the duty fell mostly on my sister’s husband. I could easily handle one of the shifts no problem but it is like a job that require you to sleep at the end of the shift in order to do it full time. Quite frankly, I am not sure what we are going to do. In the evening before I allowed her to get back in her bed and sleep. (I was trying to get her back on days) We had my grandmother attempt to try and get mymom off the potty chair and into the bed. My uncle and I spotted my mom and my grandmother quickly realized what we had been telling her all along that there was no way she could do it. She was only able to get my mom about an inch off the chair and then gave up. My grandmother is 85, stubborn and the matriarch of our family so I felt that the hands on approach would be best, and it was. I do think that it would seem that the best place from mom would be her at her mother’s so that she can see her face and get a hug and talk with her, but I do not know how long this can go on without a decent caregiver and a decision will have to be made. Really the crappy part is, as is most of the urgent matters in anyone’s life, that the root of the issue is money. I mean let’s face it, if we had a pile of cash then we could get a decent highly qualified caregiver system in place and we could easily keep her here as long as we wanted but alas, my paycheck to paycheck budget cannot muster such a thing and so we rely on Mom’s half of the equity in my grandmother’s house to get what we can get. I hope we catch a lucky break tomorrow and Laura the owner of the company brings us the perfect caregiver. Signing off for now…

day one of care at home

Okay, I’m sitting here watching a chick flick (The Land Of Women) with my mom asleep in her bed at my grandmother’s house during work hours. . I would like to shout again for how grateful I am about my work situation. I am very lucky.  I am dressed in my uniform for work and drove over in my work truck as we do not have any care during the day lined up for mom yet. It’s very hard to find care and most is way out of our budget. We have found a lovely lady for nights and it is $14 an hour. She left at 8am and I came over slightly after to take up duty. It’s unbelievably difficult to care for your parent, the feeling is one of awkwardness and an internal battle dealing with the fact that you expect your parents to always be strong as that is the role they played in your entire life, and now the role is reversed on when you care for children and they need personal hygiene one merely has to pick them up and move them over to a changing table, lift their legs to wipe etc. you get the idea. Having to cope with pajama bottoms and panties twice an hour is a bit tiresome. Other than that small fact it is fine. You have your emotional moments of crying and doom and gloom thoughts and such but for the most part it something you can tolerate. Well at least that’s how I feel on day one.

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PS the movie wasn’t too bad but it does involve a cancer patient (Meg Ryan) which in my current situation resulted in mom’s tearful thoughts…

day one

Okay so today is the big day when mom flies in at 4:30pm. We have done loads of preparation. Kim and Devorah cleaned Gram’s house. We had Gram’s carpet cleaned. Devorah purchased a couple of air cleaners/purifiers from the thrift store and I bout an expensive top-o-line Sears one for right behind Gram’s chair where she sits and smokes. The neighbor mowed the lawn. I bought a mosquito destroyer and deployed it on Gram’s back porch which I also blew the leaves off. We had a hospital bed installed, I bought a 22” HDTV and my company graciously has donated the bill for it. We have a potty chair, a patient lifter, and a transfer seat for the tub all courtesy of my friend Tracy. Bill and I built wheelchair ramps yesterday and late last night at the front door and inside to get into the family room. We have had the little air conditioner and fans on for 3 days. Kim made doctor’s appointments and arranged for a grant with the state or city I can’t remember which, for any additional special needs equipment. I have changed all the address information for the bills. It’s like a checklist only crazier! I am sure we will be making adjustments here and there and I will keep you posted. In the meantime I need to go get some lunch, go to Lowes and pay the bill and pick up some carpet tape for the carpet on the ramps. I also want to staple them down some more. I guess that’s about it for now.

okay...

okay so 1 more day until mom arrives. I ahve assembled most of the furniture, hospital bed, lifting device, hdcatv, bedside table, and transition bench for the shower. As if I really need it today I am having some sort of trouble at work and I have somehow upset my manager. geeze I can't win. tonight I am going to kick back with some friends at winghouse for some wings and beer then back to Jim's house which I haven't seen for the first preseason Bucs game. Once again we are playing the Dolphins and once again I don't squat about their team. If the game is as boring as it was last year then we are going to jet off and see a movie. I love football but sometimes the preseason just flat out sucks. it 3pm now, I am going to chill out here in front of my PC fro a couple of hours then head out. Its been raining off and on today and that makes for a muggy, hot day. Not very fun if you ask me. Anyway hope everyone is having a great day.

Wishing

today I wish I had money. Not that I don't think about money at all but surprisingly I am normally able to manage things and still take care of business. I have plans and they are modest and I just need money to make them happen. Kinda sucks is all...

Sunday Sunday

Hello. Okay so this has been a bit of a hard week on me emotionally. Mom has called me several times this week in the middle of the night and not been there because she has dialed me inadvertently while trying to reach my sister and or her husband (he is David as well). You see she calls them with her mobile so that they can get her up to use the bathroom. *sigh* To make matter worse when I dial her back to make sure she is okay, I get her voicemail which is pretty scary as it is her having an emotional breakdown and pleading for you to leave a message as she love you. I can't take it, so I mostly just hang-up or hold the phone away from my ear even though I have the damn thing memorized. I have asked her to change it but I fear she can't manipulate the phone well enough to do so anymore. She will be here soon enough and when I can get my hands on the phone I will change the message myself. She is due to fly in on the 11th with my aunt and uncle. The best part is she is flying first class which she told me was one of the things in her life she always wished she could do. I will attempt to try and get some of those things knocked out off “her list” while she is here if I can. I sit today with my daughter asleep in her room with her best friend and my hired handyman putting up my new back door, while Kim is at mom’s church getting prayers and updating the congregation that cares about Mom so deeply. It is a special event today an anniversary of the little churches existence and the bishop will be there and such. Kim will take pictures for me to put up on their website that I did for my Mom (http://stphilipsanglicanchurch.org) they have a pot luck lunch afterwards and Kim brought her delegated items to share. Fortunately she has her sister to keep her company today and I am thankful for that. Although religion is not and will probably never be important for me it is for my Mom and so my family is doing their part for her.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

  The handy man was supposed to come yesterday but he called and was sick and asked if he could come today. The irony is that I saw Mom’s “Father” Father John at Lowe’s while I was picking up the receipt for the door and I spent about a half hour or so talking with him. He is a very nice man and I am thankful he cares about my Mom.

I wrapped myself up the latter part of the week into creating a Class of 1983 website for my alumni friends and myself as we did not have a great showing for our reunion and I decided that I wanted to change that for our 30th in 5 years. (Http://www.NEHI1983.com) if I get some more money together from the donations link on that website I am going to create an Alumni site for all of Northeast so that when class sites are created they can all have one central link. As old as the school is I am amazed that one doesn’t already exist but hey I have seen some strange things when it comes to Internet presence.

Back to Mom again I have Kim working with my Gram to coordinate a nurse for care while Mom is staying at Grams because Mom’s condition will only worsen and Gram won’t be able to handle her now much less 3 months from now. The biggest issue so far is the wheelchair as I am discovering houses are not built with a wheelchair in mind…

Work this week has been super great I was able to once again work from home this week which allowed me the time to call and be called by Mom on a regular basis. I have been working on a special project analyzing the data on our commercial customers and why they are disconnecting our service. It is alarming to me how bad I am noticing that they economy is. I try not to think about it as I don’t need more bad news to add to my pile, and I also avoid keeping up with the news or any current events right now as well and quite frankly this has helped. *sigh*

My reunion last weekend was great for my brain. It allowed me to reconnect with old friends and share stories and parental advice and drink sociably on the beach and generally have a great time. As I stated earlier the biggest disappointment was the turnout but I will fix that… I did add some of my friends to my personal list of people I contact and I hope they don’t mind but I am sure they will tell me if they do.

Well I have to go check on the handy man’s progress.

 

Take care and have a great week,

david